This week, I've been thinking about death--the death of a friend's husband, the dying of those many ugly things, ie. a sense of entitlement, inside of me that is not part of the reign of Light. I've been thinking about life, too--how it pops up when you least expect it, ie. a Japanese garden in an office building in Torrance. A 1 yr, 4-month-old boy who couldn't stop looking-staring, really-at me on the bus. How babies are such gifts of life, another chance at life, regardless of how they were conceived. Though there's so much death in this world, there's even more life.
I've been thinking about serving others and how little I "want" to do that, especially when the recipient is someone who irks you. I think there's something about dying and death there, too. Also, needing to let go of having to figure out the rest of my life...it's not possible; furthermore, God doesn't ask this of me. He only asks that I move forward faithfully. Moving is hard for me to do. But, I guess I'm seeing it's contemplation-and-action, as Parker Palmer would put it, that I need; I can step forward as I pray. I am more convinced that God does provide what we need to know to make the decision we need to make at that time.
Just an hour and a half ago, I opened an email from friends in Vancouver who gave birth to a boy, William. For some reason, this made me really happy. New life is here. There is hope.
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